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It is never personal, you're not the protagonist

It's so easy to become offended. It actually comes pretty natural. Someone says something.  You feel it's directed at you Strong reaction follows No need to react, it's got nothing to do with you as a person Imagine some remarks about academic work versus manual one, a bit dismissive about the latter. You don't have a degree and never wanted one. You know very well it takes years of experience and training to do what you're doing. Talent is involved too, as some people do have "two left hands".  You still feel you should add something to the conversation, but not sure if it is going to be well-received. No need to enlighten the other party right now Most people think in terms of opposites. If it's not this, it's that and it can't be anything else. Certainty of one's convictions is also a form of self-reassurance that everything is stable in one's world. Other points of view cannot be allowed because they are disruptive. Cognitive disrup

Get your own pocket dictionary, learn it by heart

I think I have stumbled  upon something which could be life-changing. Not arrogant enough to think it could change other people's lives. Let's stick with myself. Get rid of the old dictionary in your head. Someone says; "You are too over-sensitive, that's the problem". Automatic translation: "I am at fault, they don't like me". You're going to fail the exam if you use that translation. Try: "I am not thick-skinned enough for you, you would like me to be able to withstand an outburst of frustration so that you can get relief from what's praying on your mind and needs bringing out". Think of what people do when there is no one around and they need to release some internal pressure. Do they get on with their life as if nothing is whirling inside their brain? I very much doubt it. My theory is that if they suppress it, they become ill, and if they seek relief through external methods, they'll do anything, from banging their

The myth of self-love

Should we worry that there is a whole self-help industry out there, from blogs to books to downloads of digital products? I think we should, if only because self-love and looking after oneself were meant to be triggered (or so I thought) by the mere state of being alive. If this is no longer part of our survival instinct, what is then? A conscious and determined effort to protect ourselves? From what? From life? I am sure that one day someone will be able to record the sensations that course through a newborn's body and brain, as they enter the world. Maybe they are very pleasant. From outside, they certainly seem to be the opposite. The exit is slightly more documented. At least we got some witness accounts from people who say they've been at death's door, turned around (or were turned around)  and came back. Nothing at all from life's door, not yet though. In between these two, it looks like we need to be taught how to be kind to ourselves, eat well, sleep e

Don’t despise the self-help boom, it's all self-expression

The title of this blog post, it sounds a bit like marketing advice, doesn’t it?  It’s got nothing to do with marketing. If there was a form to fill, something along the line of “conflict of interests or disclosure”, it would contain a bold-faced and in capital letters 'NO'. Nothing to sell or flog, no book or method or suggestions. Just amazement at an ever-increasing number of people who have lived to tell the story of extricating themselves from some form of personal hell or making it in the bigger hostile world. Maybe finding the Holy Grail of human interactions. Before the internet, the number of people who had garnered enough authority to dispense recommendations was pretty limited. Dale Carnegie comes to mind, as a random name. John Grey is another one, of a more recent past. Nowadays, the vast marketplace called social media is full of new authors and there is a surge of passion to help 'the other ones" help themselves. It would not take a very pow