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It is never personal, you're not the protagonist

It's so easy to become offended. It actually comes pretty natural. Someone says something.  You feel it's directed at you Strong reaction follows No need to react, it's got nothing to do with you as a person Imagine some remarks about academic work versus manual one, a bit dismissive about the latter. You don't have a degree and never wanted one. You know very well it takes years of experience and training to do what you're doing. Talent is involved too, as some people do have "two left hands".  You still feel you should add something to the conversation, but not sure if it is going to be well-received. No need to enlighten the other party right now Most people think in terms of opposites. If it's not this, it's that and it can't be anything else. Certainty of one's convictions is also a form of self-reassurance that everything is stable in one's world. Other points of view cannot be allowed because they are disruptive. Cognitive disrup

Runner's new syndrome

"Running is good for you", or so they have been saying. They had said it long before the Virus turned up and they have not rescinded that bit of advice since. As a form of exercise, runners can boast of displaying certain rare virtues. They are resilient, accept pain as a rite of passage and ignore weather conditions. Running is also a good introduction to old-age loneliness. With some exceptions,  a very long life ends up being a solitary life. If not through lack of companionship, loneliness is born out of not being able to join in and do what everyone else is doing. This "all by myself" quality of running does have it drawback though. It seldom came to light before the Virus and the new rule of physical proximity. Running requires single-mindedness. 'Social distancing" is an exercise in the opposite.  Getting from A to B has to be negotiated and pace adjusted. It involves stopping and sometimes backtracking, to avoid getting too close to passers-by. This

The Virus (not a computer one)

If a 4-year old can ask a parent who has just sneezed :"Have you got the virus?", something has definitely changed in the world. The new player on the stage ( I know, Shakespeare has said it before, "all the world's a stage"), this new player is terribly feared and ferociously pursued. It's both fast and  evasive, it carries no ID (do scientists know something we don't?),  it can kill. It does kill and maim. For short, more than just a bloody nuisance. Fleeing communism or fascism or any -ism used to involve crossing some form of physical border, risking life and limb. No point anymore in viewing the other side of any border as a safe space. The Virus has made sure old perceptions have become totally useless, even dangerous.  It loves ridiculing us, the whole lot.  Take that "There's safety in numbers".  Gotta be joking, no? Is it still true that "No man is an island "? (I know, just quoting J

Get your own pocket dictionary, learn it by heart

I think I have stumbled  upon something which could be life-changing. Not arrogant enough to think it could change other people's lives. Let's stick with myself. Get rid of the old dictionary in your head. Someone says; "You are too over-sensitive, that's the problem". Automatic translation: "I am at fault, they don't like me". You're going to fail the exam if you use that translation. Try: "I am not thick-skinned enough for you, you would like me to be able to withstand an outburst of frustration so that you can get relief from what's praying on your mind and needs bringing out". Think of what people do when there is no one around and they need to release some internal pressure. Do they get on with their life as if nothing is whirling inside their brain? I very much doubt it. My theory is that if they suppress it, they become ill, and if they seek relief through external methods, they'll do anything, from banging their

Bitterness is a healthy substitute for sugar

If you were expecting some diet advice, sorry for disappointing you, this is not a dieting blog and advice is such a cheap commodity nowadays that it's practically worthless. Bitterness is a... almost wrote metaphysical... state, the result of being bashed around the head with other people's best intentions. One wants to relieve you from some innocuous agitation that has got nothing to do with them.  You start by telling them about some upset and end up defending your reaction. Moreover, you get some extra bashing disguised as genuine interest in your welfare. Resist, and the final blow will be administered as a suggestion to go and see a therapist. Another one assesses your moods with clinical precision. Variations get quickly pushed into generalized statements. "You're always so and so on Mondays". Really? Who could have thought that being as emotionally active as a corpse is the desired state. Everyone, apparently, everyone apart from you, the fick

2020 - Happy New Year and Decade!

New Year's Eve, using time to acquire free wisdom nuggets from the internet (no sarcasm implied, they are free and they are nuggets). What have I learnt so far? The last day of the year is apparently a good day to look back and write about nice and not so nice things that happened, about plans that went awry and targets that were hit. I think it's impossible to accomplish all of the above when there's still some cooking to be done and the house is not tidy enough. Better forget about one final frantic attempt to close that diary that has got some random pages scribblings next to huge swathes of blank space. It is a terrible proof of inconsistency. If there ever was a smoking gun of wasted time, my diary is the one. Should the new year bring new resolutions in its wake? Yeah, why not, but not until the roast is safely extracted from the oven.

The myth of self-love

Should we worry that there is a whole self-help industry out there, from blogs to books to downloads of digital products? I think we should, if only because self-love and looking after oneself were meant to be triggered (or so I thought) by the mere state of being alive. If this is no longer part of our survival instinct, what is then? A conscious and determined effort to protect ourselves? From what? From life? I am sure that one day someone will be able to record the sensations that course through a newborn's body and brain, as they enter the world. Maybe they are very pleasant. From outside, they certainly seem to be the opposite. The exit is slightly more documented. At least we got some witness accounts from people who say they've been at death's door, turned around (or were turned around)  and came back. Nothing at all from life's door, not yet though. In between these two, it looks like we need to be taught how to be kind to ourselves, eat well, sleep e

The mind jail in total lock-up

You've heard it before: master your emotions, keep the lid on random thoughts. Is it good advice? I think it is. The idea of thoughts and emotions being some kind of inimical entities under close supervision was at first dismissed as too New Age, liberal, self-indulging theory. After all, who has got any time to stop and think if they are doing something that requires total focus? This applies to both physical and mental labour, including the one needed for giving birth. Agreed, there is not much room left between this kind of real activity and the rest of the world, with all its distractions. Focus is the saving grace, provided nothing changes. As soon as there's a technological leap and things get easier, there would be less of the old type of focus, would it not? Washing or toiling the land was a day-long affair. When it stops being so, is a door being opened to emotions and thoughts that would have otherwise stayed silent? In ancient Greece, different schools o